OLD Golden Chords is limbering up this morning for the 99th England television commentary of his career. At least one British institution is still working. "Very much so," as he would say.
When Sven's England take to the field at Old Trafford to face Greece this afternoon it will be the voice of John Motson, as rich and succulent as a fruitcake (which is apt), who will lead us through our emotional responses. When he gets excited, so do we. In fact, most of us will have heard Motson crying "Oooooohhh!" with more passion and frequency than any other individual in our lives, which is a sobering thought.
He provides the soundtrack to a crucial strand of our culture, and has done so since May 1977 when, fresh-faced and on his first batch of sheepskins, he took up the international microphone when England played Northern Ireland in Belfast. Did he get rave reviews? "No," he said, in a very short sentence for him. "In my first 20 years at the BBC I think I got two 'well dones'."
Different now. Three magnums of champagne were presented to him this week for being voted the nation's favourite commentator. A speech therapist and a clinical psychologist were involved in the analysis, although the latter may just have been there in his white coat as a natural precaution. For it is true that Motson's compelling, all-encompassing fascination with football does sometimes seem to extend into . . . how can you put this?
"You think I'm mad, don't you?" he rightly deduced, mid-conversation, peering over a table at me with those beady blue eyes. This was extraordinarily hard to deny. Not least because we were embroiled in artistic discussion of his clipboard preparations for the game. He doesn't get out a notebook as much as set up an easel.
"So I've got four felt-tip pens. The Greek team's surnames will be in blue - because that's the colour they'll be playing in - England's surnames are in red, their first names are in black, and the team numbers are in green." Does he have any other colours on the subs' bench, as it were? "Well, I've got three biros for notes," he admitted. But what happens if a team is not playing in blue or red? "Well, when Ireland play, obviously I put their surnames in green," he said seriously. But what colour does he use for the numbers then? "There's always a permutation."
At least the end result is that he knows his Dabizas from his elbow. He has interviewed 10 England managers in his time, the first meeting being the least auspicious. "I was a young reporter when Sir Alf Ramsey was around. I interviewed him in the tunnel at Wembley the night of that Poland game in 1973 when England failed to qualify for the World Cup finals. It was virtually my first job on television. Actually, I asked him whether he was going to resign. As I remember it, he said: `I see no reason why I would want to leave this job, do you?' And David Coleman in the studio said: `I don't know whether that means John Motson's the new England manager.' "
Down through the years and traumas, from Mercer, Revie, Greenwood, Robson, Taylor, Venables, Hoddle, Wilkinson, Keegan and Taylor to Eriksson, Motson has felt-tipped and fact-dropped his way to national affection. Where first he was accused of talking too much, now we just adore his enthusiasm. He is not a Murray Walker: his trousers are not on fire, but they are over-heating slightly. "I'm prepared to take more risks now," he said. I wondered if that meant he would tell a few jokes. "I do already," he said, a trifle disappointed we hadn't noticed. "Trevor doesn't think they're funny either. He always brings me back to earth."
I think it will take more than Trevor Brooking to bring Motson back from Planet Rothmans. But you cannot disparage a national archive. Into this game against Greece, for instance, he comes bearing all manner of useful little items (in biro).
1: "It is virtually the anniversary of that dismal afternoon last year when we lost to Germany with Wembley on the way out. Keegan resigned and I met Adam Crozier in the mixed zone after the game. He said to me: `Look at the Premiership and tell me where you think there's an obvious replacement.' I said: `In that case, you've got to go foreign.' He smiled and nodded. On the next Football Focus, I predicted Sven-Goran Eriksson would be the man. It's one of the few occasions I got something first." He smiled benignly. You can see he has vicars in the family. That amiable face is absolutely right for the pulpit.
2: "Greece have only ever scored one goal against England. A first-minute penalty in a friendly in February 1989. England won 2-1 in front of 6,000 people. Barnes and Robson scored." (I suppose this will all be in biro, too, except possibly for the scoreline in, I'm guessing, green?)
3: "England have only once failed to beat Greece. A 0-0 draw at Wembley in 1993."
4: "Greece have lost all their away games in this qualifying group, including to Albania."
5: "They are 59th in the FIFA rankings - I don't know how much this means -along with China, Georgia and Guatemala." This strikes me as a particularly fine nugget and one really hopes it gets a good airing this afternoon.
Motson has always armed himself with details, an armour of words against the enemy of brain-stalled silence. He has over-compensated for a living. But now excavating through the strewn boulders of information is as much as a pleasure itself as watching the game. Sometimes more pleasure. He thinks so, too. "I've seen some poor ones, I can tell you. Some lousy England performances. When we lost to Portugal in the 1986 World Cup and, worse, to Norway under Graham Taylor in 1993 which lost us a place in the World Cup in the States."
He is, therefore, relishing the new dawn. "Obviously, Eriksson has come in and broken down a few cliques. I think there was a feeling some players used to mingle with the ones just from their own club. That was the word in the camp. Whereas now, they're one for all and all for one. I don't think there's egos in there any more. Look at someone like David Beckham. With his celebrity status you might not think he's one of the lads but without doubt he is. And I think he's growing into the captaincy. His persona's come on bundles."
I cannot imagine any other public figure who could say, "his persona's come on bundles", without inciting mirth. But in Motson's urgent delivery, the nuttiness is doused in dignity. So much so that people preserve his telephone answer messages and play them to their milkman. Just ask the daughters of the deputy sports editor of The Daily Telegraph.
All this admiration is received with tremendous humility. "Very flattering," he said upon receipt of his award this week. He did not take umbrage that Alan Green was accorded the great compliment of being the `Romeo of Commentators' (that is not what Sir Alex Ferguson calls him, by the way) for the `intimacy' of his style on Radio 5 Live. Motson merely noted: "That's not what any of the women I know would say," and then hastily wished to make it clear he was joking. He does not favour violence. There would be no coffee-letting on the floor of the BBC canteen.
He is almost preternaturally cautious about controversy. We were talking about Steven Gerrard's unfortunate brush with alcohol this week. "I'd better not mention how late I was up before the England game in Germany," said Motson mildly. How late? "Later than Gerrard," he replied. But then came the tabloid claims yesterday that Robbie Fowler and Steve McManaman had been similarly engaged, and Motson became concerned that he might sound cavalier on the sensitive subject.
This is sweetly typical. It is hard to think of anyone less likely to incite England players to vice. He may have sat in a dentist's chair but only to have his cheeks stuffed with cotton wool and his tooth with a filling. He is safe from accusations of astray-leading.
Possibly the worst thing he has done in that line is take his latest radio co-commentator, Graham Taylor, out on the former England manager's 57th birthday. "It was after the Newcastle-Manchester United game this season." (United surnames in red, Newcastle in black.) "We were doing the Great North Run the following day and he was quite unimpressed with our preparation. We went out, gave him a cake, poured a lot of red wine down him and he didn't think it was much of a way to prepare for a half-marathon. We tried to convince him otherwise. But we were all right. I did one hour 51 minutes."
This reminded me. His great sweeping radar of remembrance probably embraces best and worst England sponge men, too. I expected he would speak knowledgably about the physio bag-carrying epoch of the great Fred Street, for instance, and I was not disappointed.
"Well, I have known a few England physios actually," he confirmed. "Yeah. Been treated by a few. Gary Lewin, Arsenal's boy - I've been along a few times to have running injuries sorted out. Lot of hamstring trouble. All right now. Good thing is, I'm quite slow."
Motson's legs are a combined age of 112 but his enthusiasm is forever youthful. When you think he began commentating when football was televised live only twice a year (FA Cup final and England v Scotland in the home internationals) - "and now they show four a night!" He does not approve. He thinks saturation has been reached. He sounded sadly disapproving but his enunciation was as perfect as ever. I have preserved it on tape to play to my milkman.
"So I've got four felt-tip pens. The Greek team's surnames will be in blue - because that's the colour they'll be playing in - England's surnames are in red, their first names are in black, and the team numbers are in green." Does he have any other colours on the subs' bench, as it were? "Well, I've got three biros for notes," he admitted. But what happens if a team is not playing in blue or red? "Well, when Ireland play, obviously I put their surnames in green," he said seriously. But what colour does he use for the numbers then? "There's always a permutation."
At least the end result is that he knows his Dabizas from his elbow. He has interviewed 10 England managers in his time, the first meeting being the least auspicious. "I was a young reporter when Sir Alf Ramsey was around. I interviewed him in the tunnel at Wembley the night of that Poland game in 1973 when England failed to qualify for the World Cup finals. It was virtually my first job on television. Actually, I asked him whether he was going to resign. As I remember it, he said: `I see no reason why I would want to leave this job, do you?' And David Coleman in the studio said: `I don't know whether that means John Motson's the new England manager.' "
Down through the years and traumas, from Mercer, Revie, Greenwood, Robson, Taylor, Venables, Hoddle, Wilkinson, Keegan and Taylor to Eriksson, Motson has felt-tipped and fact-dropped his way to national affection. Where first he was accused of talking too much, now we just adore his enthusiasm. He is not a Murray Walker: his trousers are not on fire, but they are over-heating slightly. "I'm prepared to take more risks now," he said. I wondered if that meant he would tell a few jokes. "I do already," he said, a trifle disappointed we hadn't noticed. "Trevor doesn't think they're funny either. He always brings me back to earth."
I think it will take more than Trevor Brooking to bring Motson back from Planet Rothmans. But you cannot disparage a national archive. Into this game against Greece, for instance, he comes bearing all manner of useful little items (in biro).
1: "It is virtually the anniversary of that dismal afternoon last year when we lost to Germany with Wembley on the way out. Keegan resigned and I met Adam Crozier in the mixed zone after the game. He said to me: `Look at the Premiership and tell me where you think there's an obvious replacement.' I said: `In that case, you've got to go foreign.' He smiled and nodded. On the next Football Focus, I predicted Sven-Goran Eriksson would be the man. It's one of the few occasions I got something first." He smiled benignly. You can see he has vicars in the family. That amiable face is absolutely right for the pulpit.
2: "Greece have only ever scored one goal against England. A first-minute penalty in a friendly in February 1989. England won 2-1 in front of 6,000 people. Barnes and Robson scored." (I suppose this will all be in biro, too, except possibly for the scoreline in, I'm guessing, green?)
3: "England have only once failed to beat Greece. A 0-0 draw at Wembley in 1993."
4: "Greece have lost all their away games in this qualifying group, including to Albania."
5: "They are 59th in the FIFA rankings - I don't know how much this means -along with China, Georgia and Guatemala." This strikes me as a particularly fine nugget and one really hopes it gets a good airing this afternoon.
Motson has always armed himself with details, an armour of words against the enemy of brain-stalled silence. He has over-compensated for a living. But now excavating through the strewn boulders of information is as much as a pleasure itself as watching the game. Sometimes more pleasure. He thinks so, too. "I've seen some poor ones, I can tell you. Some lousy England performances. When we lost to Portugal in the 1986 World Cup and, worse, to Norway under Graham Taylor in 1993 which lost us a place in the World Cup in the States."
He is, therefore, relishing the new dawn. "Obviously, Eriksson has come in and broken down a few cliques. I think there was a feeling some players used to mingle with the ones just from their own club. That was the word in the camp. Whereas now, they're one for all and all for one. I don't think there's egos in there any more. Look at someone like David Beckham. With his celebrity status you might not think he's one of the lads but without doubt he is. And I think he's growing into the captaincy. His persona's come on bundles."
I cannot imagine any other public figure who could say, "his persona's come on bundles", without inciting mirth. But in Motson's urgent delivery, the nuttiness is doused in dignity. So much so that people preserve his telephone answer messages and play them to their milkman. Just ask the daughters of the deputy sports editor of The Daily Telegraph.
All this admiration is received with tremendous humility. "Very flattering," he said upon receipt of his award this week. He did not take umbrage that Alan Green was accorded the great compliment of being the `Romeo of Commentators' (that is not what Sir Alex Ferguson calls him, by the way) for the `intimacy' of his style on Radio 5 Live. Motson merely noted: "That's not what any of the women I know would say," and then hastily wished to make it clear he was joking. He does not favour violence. There would be no coffee-letting on the floor of the BBC canteen.
He is almost preternaturally cautious about controversy. We were talking about Steven Gerrard's unfortunate brush with alcohol this week. "I'd better not mention how late I was up before the England game in Germany," said Motson mildly. How late? "Later than Gerrard," he replied. But then came the tabloid claims yesterday that Robbie Fowler and Steve McManaman had been similarly engaged, and Motson became concerned that he might sound cavalier on the sensitive subject.
This is sweetly typical. It is hard to think of anyone less likely to incite England players to vice. He may have sat in a dentist's chair but only to have his cheeks stuffed with cotton wool and his tooth with a filling. He is safe from accusations of astray-leading.
Possibly the worst thing he has done in that line is take his latest radio co-commentator, Graham Taylor, out on the former England manager's 57th birthday. "It was after the Newcastle-Manchester United game this season." (United surnames in red, Newcastle in black.) "We were doing the Great North Run the following day and he was quite unimpressed with our preparation. We went out, gave him a cake, poured a lot of red wine down him and he didn't think it was much of a way to prepare for a half-marathon. We tried to convince him otherwise. But we were all right. I did one hour 51 minutes."
This reminded me. His great sweeping radar of remembrance probably embraces best and worst England sponge men, too. I expected he would speak knowledgably about the physio bag-carrying epoch of the great Fred Street, for instance, and I was not disappointed.
"Well, I have known a few England physios actually," he confirmed. "Yeah. Been treated by a few. Gary Lewin, Arsenal's boy - I've been along a few times to have running injuries sorted out. Lot of hamstring trouble. All right now. Good thing is, I'm quite slow."
Motson's legs are a combined age of 112 but his enthusiasm is forever youthful. When you think he began commentating when football was televised live only twice a year (FA Cup final and England v Scotland in the home internationals) - "and now they show four a night!" He does not approve. He thinks saturation has been reached. He sounded sadly disapproving but his enunciation was as perfect as ever. I have preserved it on tape to play to my milkman.
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